To classify all the bodies in the solar system it is necessary...
to adopt an arbitrary set of criteria; a criteria...
which must also apply to the minor planets, or asteroids.
Let us now look at the asteroid belt between Mars and Jupiter.
The classification of this group of fragmented planetismals began in...
1801 with the discovery of Ceres.
Ceres, having a diameter of 955 kilometres...
is found to be the largest member of several hundred sizable boulders...
Locked in what would seem to be a merry-go-round of primordial debris...
from a very early phase of planetary formation.
Out of over two thousand asteroids regularly charted and observed...
Ceres, due to its large size, convenient location and availability...
was found to be the perfect spot for a drinking establishment...
or bar if you will.
It was named, appropriately enough, "The Ceres Crossroads".
And it was more often than not, frequented by roughnecks...
and thugs. It is here where our story began.
The story of how I became a father.
And oh yeah, it's my birthday.
♪ Every day oh and ♪ ♪ every way it's ♪
♪ (the American Astronaut) ♪
♪ Yes and don't you know ♪ ♪ that I love it so ♪
♪ To be, be, the ♪ ♪ American Astronaut ♪
♪ And can't you see ♪ ♪ what it means to me ♪
♪ To be the American Astronaut ♪
♪ And don't you know ♪ ♪ that I love it so ♪
♪ To be the American Astronaut ♪
♪ (kissing noises) ♪
♪ Pleeeeeeease, ahh ♪
Shit!
Ceres Crossroads. Eddy speaking.
Eddy, Samuel Curtis. I just landed...
I know. We saw... It was great.
Can you dig me out and set me up for flight?
Sure. Did you bring the cat?
Yeah. I got him. His name is Monkey Puss.
I want to name him Oscar.
That wasn't so bad. Was it, Monkey? Eddy, you got something for me, right?
Oh, yeah.
Okay. I'll be in in a bit.
Okay. Good-bye.
All right, cat, let's go.
I'm keeping that with me. You seen Eddy?
Yes. He's right over there by the corner of the bar.
You mean the bartender?
Thanks.
Samuel Curtis.
I know. We watched you land. Everybody here got just the biggest...
charge out of it. I'm still buzzin'. In fact, everybody's buzzin'.
You got something for me, right?
You're not going to believe what I've got for you.
No one can come back here but me,
so we can keep Oscar here 'till they come and get him.
I thought he was for you.
Oh, no. I hate cats, but you sure saved my butt bringing him here.
- You're staying, right? - What is that?
You're staying for the big dance, aren't you?
Yeah, sure.
I don't get it.
It's a girl. It's a real live girl.
What am I supposed to do with it?
I don't know.
Who's playing at the dance tonight?
Me.
I guess I'll see you there. Mind if I use your bathroom?
Sure. It's a real toilet so be careful.
Thanks, Eddy.
That's him.
♪ Hey Boy! Hey Boy! ♪
♪ I got a message for you - ♪
♪ About a thing called Love ♪
♪ And the stars above ♪
♪ And a little white dove ♪
♪ Since push turned to shove - ♪
♪ - To fistacuffs - ♪
♪ Things really got rough ♪
♪ But enough's enough. ♪
♪ Hey Boy! Hey Boy! ♪
♪ I heard it from a friend about you - ♪
♪ About your hatred ♪
♪ When you're lyin' in your bed ♪
♪ And your face turns red ♪
♪ With your hatred fed ♪
♪ From the things you said ♪
♪ And you wish you were dead ♪
♪ Because you're separated ♪
♪ From a thing called Love ♪
♪ And the stars above ♪
♪ And a little white dove ♪
♪ Since push turned to shove - ♪
♪ - To fistacuffs - ♪
♪ Things really got rough ♪
♪ But enough's enough ♪
♪ Hey Boy! Hey Boy! ♪
♪ I heard it from a friend about you - ♪
♪ That your heart is broken ♪
♪ And your anger's smokin' ♪
♪ And you lie there poking ♪
♪ At a little token ♪
♪ Of days gone by. ♪
♪ You let out a sigh. ♪
♪ Tears fill your eyes, ♪
♪ And then you start to cry. ♪
♪ You say, "Oh God, why?" ♪
♪ And you wish you could die ♪
♪ And your eyes won't dry. ♪
♪ And time don't fly on this hellish night ♪
♪ Eyes open wide on this hellish ride ♪
♪ As you go switching from side to side ♪
♪ Because you're filled with hatred ♪
♪ When you're lying in your bed ♪
♪ And your face turns red ♪
♪ With your hatred fed ♪
♪ From the things you said ♪
♪ And you wish you were dead ♪
♪ Because you're separated ♪
♪ From a thing called Love ♪
♪ And the stars above ♪
♪ And a little white dove ♪
♪ Since push turned to shove - ♪
♪ - To fistacuffs - ♪
♪ Things really got rough ♪
♪ But enough's enough. ♪
♪ Hey Boy! Hey Boy! ♪
♪ I heard it from a friend about you! ♪
Hey!
You son of a bitch!
Hey!
Did you just see two guys come out of that bathroom?
Here you go.
Hey...
Is it just me, or do my balls itch?
I think it's you.
Good. For a minute, I thought my balls itched.
Hey, it's a joke.
It's funny.
Fuck it.
This what you're looking for?
Larry Blueberry.
My name is Lawrence. It's never been Larry. I don't like that name.
I hear you're doing pretty good these days.
I heard you were killed by Professor Hess.
Yeah, well...
Apparently your photographers have proven otherwise.
That's the Blueberry Pirate.
An Interplanetary fruit thief and old dance partner of Samuel Curtis'.
Came here to pick up a cat named Oscar...
as payment for some stolen fruit he delivered.
Here's where they get reacquainted at the bar, all nice and...
friendly, just like that, see?
Old friends, that's all. This is where the pirate
gives Curtis some pictures and oh so gracefully bestows upon him...
the perfect plan for an astronaut in his position.
In return Samuel Curtis agrees to be the Pirate's partner at...
the big dance contest because Curtis didn't have a plan and...
the Pirate never won anything in his whole life and those are...
The most beautiful trophies he'd ever seen. Unquote.
Curtis' new mission is to return to Earth with the body of a man named...
Johnny R.
Johnny R. came from a very wealthy family.
A family that's willing to award a great deal...
of wealth for the return of his remains.
Right now his body is being preserved on Venus, the planet of beautiful women.
The planet of women who can reproduce without the use of men.
Unfortunately, if more than three generations...
go by without introducing new blood...
the women become hybred...
and even too snippy for themselves to stand.
So it's necessary for them to keep a man around as a stud.
The women of Venus adopt an adolescent male from a well-to-do family...
ride him like a wild stallion, treat him like a king...
and love him until the day he dies, usually at a ripe old age.
And then replace him with another adolescent male.
Johnny R. had reached that ripe old age...
and the time had come to replace him, but the women of Venus won't
part with his body until an adequate replacement has been delivered.
The perfect replacement could be found on Jupiter.
Jupiter's a very wealthy mining planet, where infant males...
are taken and sold to a man named Lee Vilensky.
They're raised as workers and grow up to be strong men with no knowledge of women.
Lee Vilensky owns Jupiter and years before he had purchased a boy...
from Samuel Curtis known as...
The Boy who actually saw a woman's breast.
For this brief experience the boy has been treated as a treasure.
He's become the planet's figurehead.
He's used to boost the morale of workers by performing in great night rallies...
where he quickly and arrogantly describes what it is he had seen.
Over the years, the boy had grown up to be a strong and handsome young man...
and both the Blueberry Pirate and Samuel Curtis...
know that the women of Venus would go nuts for him.
They also believe that Lee Vilensky would part with the boy in trade for...
the real live girl.
He could raise her, marry her, have sex with her...
then describe the experience to his workers in great detail.
That would be an incredible morale booster.
That would create a happier, more productive work environment.
So I take the girl to Jupiter...
trade her for the boy, bring the boy to Venus...
trade him for Johnny R...
bring Johnny R. back to earth and I get rich.
That's it.
Where'd the girl come from?
Eddy cloned her from one of his own cells.
That's one detail best left unsaid.
Gentlemen,
is it just me or do my balls itch?
So this guy walks into a bar and he says to the bartender...
"Can I use your phone?" The bartender says, "Sure".
So, he wipes his ass on it and the bar...
What?
Ah shit, I just told you the punchline.
Been telling this joke so fuckin' long, I knew I'd fuck it up.
Anyway. You want to hear something really weird?
So there's this man and he lived his whole life on Earth and his name was Mr. Stevenson.
When Mr. Stevenson was eight years old, he asked another little boy...
If he would Like a Hurts Donut. The other boy said, "Yes."
So he hit him on the arm and he said, "Hurts Donut?".
Five years later Mr. Stevenson asked another boy about his same age at that time...
If he would like a Hurts Donut.
When the boy said, "Yes", Mr. Stevenson stabbed him over and over again...
In his eye, in his cheek, with a pencil...
saying, "Hurts Donut?"
Over the years, Mr. Stevenson did very well in school.
On graduation day he was sat next to another young man,
who, like Mr. Stevenson, had earned high marks.
When he asked the boy if he would like a Hurts Donut, the boy said...
"Not if you're going to stab me in the eye with a pencil."
"I wouldn't even touch you," said Mr. Stevenson.
So when the boy agreed, he presented him with a photograph of the young man's fiance...
at a bachelor party, on some guy's table, fucking herself with a beer bottle.
As tears filled the young man's eyes, Mr. Stevenson was heard to say...
"Hurts Donut."
A few years later, Mr. Stevenson got a job as a sales clerk in an electronics store.
Within a year, he was caught stealing and immediately incarcerated.
When he asked his cellmate if he would like a Hurts Donut, his cellmate said, "Yeah."
So he gave him a Hurts Donut.
Over the years,
Mr. Stevenson grew too old to take care of himself,
so they put him in a hospital.
One day he asked the new nurse if she would like a Hurts Donut.
In anticipation of her response, Mr. Stevenson began humming...
and making smacking noises with his mouth.
When the nurse smiled and said, "I know about you Mr. Stevenson,"
Mr. Stevenson blurted out something totally incoherent...
and... and... began to laugh.
I've never understood this joke.
But then I've never been to Earth.
All right. All right. Gentlemen, let the dance contest begin.
♪ Love is a flipping rolling riddle ♪
♪ Love is a smiling when ♪ ♪ you hear the giggle ♪
♪ All those angels giggle when ♪ ♪ they know you're smiling ♪
♪ Love is running in an open field ♪
♪ Love is smiling at the ♪ ♪ happy way you feel ♪
♪ When you know you're smiling ♪
♪ So how can you keep on smiling ♪
♪ When you see yourself ♪ ♪ in the mirror smiling ♪
♪ Just about to say the name ♪
♪ Of the girl that makes you smile ♪
♪ Love is thinking of when you die ♪
♪ When she hears your name ♪ ♪ mentioned, she'll start to cry ♪
♪ She'll remember you smiling ♪
♪ Love is living in a magic land ♪
♪ Love is thinking of how ♪ ♪ she'll hold your hand ♪
♪ And you'll both be smiling ♪
♪ So how can you keep on smiling ♪
♪ When you see yourself ♪ ♪ in the mirror smiling ♪
♪ Just about to say the name of ♪ ♪ the girl that makes you smile ♪
Let's go.
What about your boys over there?
They'll be sitting this one out.
One, two, three, four.
What did he say about me?
- What? - What did he say about me?
Who are you?
You know, you are so square.
I guess that I am.
So what did he say about me?
I don't know what you're talking about.
You stand there with that trophy and you tell me you don't know what I'm talking about?
Excuse me.
You sit at the bar and you talk and you laugh and you tell me...
you don't know what I'm talking about, huh?
Do not touch me.
Don't touch you?
I can touch you.
I can touch you whenever I want.
Guess what?
It's my birthday.
Did he tell you it was my birthday?
Are you gonna sing Happy Birthday to me?
I want you to sing Happy Birthday to me.
I...
said...
I...
want...
I've got work to do.
This one's a keeper.
You ready, cat?
What did your father teach you? What did your father teach you?
What did...
My father taught me to kill the sunflower.
Congratulations, Mr. Curtis. You are now awake.
Two hours to Jupiter.
Gentlemen, you have all worked very hard...
and among the lucky, you are the chosen ones.
You have been sprinkled with lucky stardust.
Yes, you have.
For today you have been chosen to reside in the court of the Great One.
Gentlemen, I give you...
"The Boy Who Actually Saw...
a Woman's Breast."
♪ A ♪
♪ A-E-I ♪
♪ A-E-I know ♪
♪ I know ♪
♪ A-E-I-O-U ♪
♪ (Oh, you sweet thing) ♪
♪ Yes, A-E, A-E-I ♪
♪ A-E-I-O-U, I owe you nothing ♪
♪ But sometimes ♪
♪ You owe me ♪
♪ You owe me I-E-A-I-E-A! A! A! A! ♪
♪ I'm talking to you ♪
♪ When I say ♪
♪ Why do the souls of my old dead ♪ ♪ dogs still howl at the sirens? ♪
♪ So call the cops ♪
♪ Call the fire trucks ♪ ♪ and call the cops ♪
♪ Call the police ♪
♪ There is something walkin' ♪ ♪ 'round inside my fleece ♪
♪ I've got thick, black ♪ ♪ stuff under my nails ♪
♪ And I think I kinda ♪ ♪ like the way it smells ♪
♪ There is food pressed ♪ ♪ against my gums ♪
♪ In a week or two, we'll ♪ ♪ see what it becomes ♪
♪ So I'll shave and look cute ♪
♪ With the sweat from in my boot ♪
♪ And I'll sneeze the ♪ ♪ snot from my snoot ♪
♪ And I'll wipe it on the ♪ ♪ sleeve of my suit ♪
♪ A-E-I-O-A-E-I-O-I-O-A-E-I-O-A-E-ooh ♪
It was round and soft.
Now go back to work.
Good job.
Alright.
Sam!
Hey. There he is. How you doing, Buddy?
Fine.
What's the matter with him?
Ahh, you know how kids are.
You sell 'em to a shitty planet and they think you're the bad guy.
Yeah, well I'm here to make it up to the little guy.
What do you mean?
- I came here to take him. - No, no, no.
That boy holds the only memory we got.
Mr. Vilensky, you give me back the boy and I'll...
give you the chance to create your own memories.
What the hell is that?
It's a real live girl.
You take this. You grow her in private...
You raise her, you teach her, you marry her.
All for a kid whose brief, fleeting encounter...
pales in comparison to the experiences that await you.
Let's say that I was going to show her to somebody right now...
my daughter or wife or whatever the hell she is.
She looks bad!
Why would you want to show her to anybody?
What if I wanted to?
Yeah, you're right!
Hey kid...
Take a hike.
♪ When we first saw it, we knew there ♪ ♪ was just one thing to be done ♪
♪ It was scientific ♪
♪ And sociological ♪
♪ That's right ♪ ♪ And a lot of fun ♪
♪ We knew in this world there ♪ ♪ could only be one ♪
♪ The baby in the jar with ♪ ♪ glasses on and a gun ♪
♪ Glasses on ♪
Gentlemen...
The Boy Who Saw A Woman's Breast has left our planet.
Allow me to explain.
In this simple black case...
I hold the dawning of a new day.
The dawning of a new era.
An era of sexually explicit...
conversation.
For here in my hand I hold the case...
that contains... a real live girl.
She shall be raised in private.
She shall be taught all there is to know of our work ethic.
And on a dally basis...
she will be notified of the triumphs made by...
each and every one of your selfless efforts.
When she is fifteen and a half...
she will become my bride...
and your queen.
You will all partake in fresh fruit...
brought here by the Blueberry Pirate himself.
And I will partake in fresh fruit...
and sexual intercourse.
An act in which we are all a stranger...
but which, upon my return...
I will describe to you...
in great detail.
Hey, get out.
Where'd you get the trophy?
I won it at a dance.
On Ceres?
Yeah.
I wanted to go to that.
How come Vilensky didn't take you?
Yeah, right.
How long they been making you dress like that?
The word is not "make", it's "let".
They let me wear whatever I want.
I see.
♪ Let's have a party ♪
♪ I think we'll have a party now ♪
♪ Let's have a party ♪
♪ It's great when you ♪ ♪ get started out ♪
♪ We'll throw our hands ♪ ♪ up and shout, "Party" ♪
♪ We'll throw our heads back and ♪ ♪ say, "Party, party, party" ♪
♪ Oh won't you come ♪ ♪ and join our party? ♪
♪ Let's have a party ♪
♪ I think we'll have a party now ♪
♪ Let's have a party ♪
♪ It's great when you ♪ ♪ get started out ♪
♪ We'll throw our hands ♪ ♪ up and shout, "Party" ♪
♪ We'll throw our heads back and ♪ ♪ say, "Party, party, party" ♪
♪ Oh won't you come and join our ♪
Another job well done.
These are the same song books you had five years ago.
Yeah.
You know any new songs?
Yeah, I know some new songs, but they're not very nice.
How about you?
Yeah, I know some new songs.
Well, let's hear them. It's going to be a long trip.
Teach me a song.
- There's a... - Phone call. Phone call. Phone call.
- Nice song. - Phone call. Phone call.
Samuel Curtis, American Private Sec. Nevada.
Guess who this is?
- Professor Hess. - That's right.
You got it on the first try. For that you get a kiss.
I'll pass.
What?!
Do you think I'd kiss you?
You'd love it if I'd kiss you and I would never kiss you!
You said you were going to kiss me.
I never said I'd kiss you. I never said that.
You just want me to kiss you!
Umm...
Not really.
Oh, I'm not good enough to kiss you. Is that what you're saying?
What do you want, Professor?
Guess what today is?
I don't know. What?
Guess.
It's Friday.
Saturday, somewhere. I don't know.
It's my birthday.
Oh well, Happy Birthday.
Are you going to sing Happy Birthday to me?
No.
Why not? Why aren't you going to sing Happy Birthday to me?
I don't like the song.
You are so square.
Did you call me to insult me, Professor?
You're very important to me.
I want you to hear something.
Did you hear that?
No.
It was a cat purring.
I took him from Ceres because there was nobody left to take care of him.
And now he's purring, cause now he's with me, cause now he's happy.
And now it's time for his treat.
Oh, he likes that.
I gotta go, Professor.
Guess how old I am?
I don't know.
I'm ninety-six.
No you're not.
Yes I am! I'm ninety-six!
Why won't you believe I'm ninety-six?
I guess you just look young.
Well, what would you say if I said that I'm younger than...
ninety-six because... because I just am?
I'd say good-bye, Professor.
I have a picture of you.
Guess what you're doing?
I'm talking a shit.
I put it next to my Trophy and...
then I say, "Ooh, there's a stinky boy".
I got to go. Good-bye, Professor.
Well, fine! Fine!
But if you see any big pictures of me, don't tell anyone that you know me.
It's a deal.
No, no, no! You don't have to see any big pictures of me...
because I'm going to catch up with you...
and then we're going to have a birthday party!
I guess I'll see you then.
A friend?
A question to which yes or no would not quite suffice.
Does he call a lot?
No.
He disappears for long stretches of time.
And then he finds me...
kills everyone I come in contact with...
and tries to forgive me.
When he does that he's going to kill me.
Do you like him?
Yeah.
He's like family.
And when he forgives you, he's going to kill you?
That's the kind of guy he is.
What kind of guy is he?
He's a Birthday Boy.
He kills without reason.
If he has no reason to kill you, then he can kill you.
But if he has a reason to kill you then he's got a problem.
And if he kills you without resolving that problem, then...
you'd be dead and the problem would live on forever unresolved.
That doesn't make any sense.
Yeah, it does.
What did you do that was so hard to forgive?
Well...
I'll tell ya.
Hey, I think I see a barn up ahead.
We'll hide our spaceship in the barn.
What if there's something in there?
How do?
Nice... ahh...
nice cabin in the sky you've got here.
Well, hell. Why don't you take off your boots and float around?
Where you from?
We're Earth people.
Yeah. Where about?
Silver State of Nevada. How about yourself?
Yeah, I'm from there, but I moved around a lot.
What about the boy here?
Is he your son?
No, I'm just giving him a ride to Venus.
Yeah? What happened? Their King die or something?
Yeah.
Son of a bitch.
How old are you, kid?
Sixteen
Son of a bitch.
We got a little bastard about your age.
How'd you like to go kick his ass?
- No, thank you. - What are you scared?
He's got candy bars and cigarettes back there.
Now go kick the shit out of him.
Ah, it don't make no difference.
Little fuckers' gonna kill us all.
Who's the kid?
He ain't got no real name. We call him Bodysuit.
Raised him so he could go back to earth to find out more about the chart.
But he ain't worth a shit!
You see, in the year 1902 we were just a bunch of silver miners.
Out there every day digging in the dirt...
uneducated, and humping on each other...
every chance we could.
Hell, sometimes some of us good ole boys'd even be humping on each other.
And it weren't like we were be trying to be fancy.
We just didn't know what the hell we were looking at. Did we John?
Yeah we did
Huh. So one day I dug up this rock and it was a brand new color.
Not a trace or hint or nothing...
of any other color you ever seen.
It looked like, like memories and, well, it was embarrassing.
And if you looked at it...
all the parts of your brain that just sat there doing nothing...
would start right up and you knew what they were there for.
So we looked at it and it turned us real smart.
The next day we went into town and read all there was to read about the Chart.
Then we went out into the desert, built us this big barn...
and sent it up here into space with us in it.
Been here ever since.
Now the one thing we didn't reckon on was space punies.
What are space punies?
Hey Jake. What are space punies?
In a world without gravity...
the muscles will become dormant and whither.
Your spine will straighten and the calcium...
in your arms and legs will redistribute itself in your head.
Thank you, Jake. See old Jake knows.
Hey Jake, what happens if you go back to Earth with space punies?
- It kills you slicker than snot. - That's right.
So now we got to get back there cause every day...
they're making further discoveries about the Chart.
In an attempt to further our knowledge...
Jake and Edna started humping on each other...
And lo and behold, a child was born among us.
Had we known he'd have grown up to be such a hellion...
we'd have killed him on that day.
Instead we raised him on coffee, tobacco, candy bars...
kind of stuff our guts couldn't take.
We built him a suit of hydraulics...
so his muscles would grow strong.
He was raised to stand up against Earth's gravity...
as he set out to gain more knowledge on behalf of his kin...
A journey the boy don't know nothing about...
on account of him being as dumb as a stick.
How are you planning on getting him back to Earth?
We's kind of hoping you'd take him.
Ask him if we can get his chocolate and cigarettes.
If we take him to Earth, can we keep his chocolate and cigarettes?
We ain't got no need for it.
Okay.
I hope you don't mind if we take our time loading up.
We're trying to avoid someone.
That'll give you boys some time to get acquainted.
He's right through that door there.
Thanks.
If you ever find us again...
could you tell us what the chart's looking like these days?
Captain?
He stinks.
What?
He stinks.
Excuse me.
Well.
Let's get him out of that stinky suit.
Smell your hand.
What if we leave him in the suit?
Wash him as he is?
We should probably just wipe him down with solvent.
Pin him.
This is the Rio Yeti book, okay?
And when I do this line...
I'm gonna talk and when I do the next line,
then I move your mouth like this, okay?
South America is where I want to go.
Don't you fear the Yeti's in Rio?
No.
No?
No.
Rio Yeti. Rio Yeti. Rio Yeti. Rio Yeti.
When I get to Venus, can I get a dog?
Dogs can't live on Venus.
When they roll on their backs the...
pressure twists their guts up and it kills them.
Do you remember my old dog?
Yeah.
If I don't like Venus will you come get me?
Believe me...
You'll like it.
What are you going to do?
South America is where I'm going to go.
Don't you fear the Yetis in Rio?
No.
No?
No! No, No, No, No, No, No, No, No, No, No...
Ri-o Ye-ti, Ri-o Ye-ti, Ri-o Ye-ti...
No! No, No, No, No, No, No, No, No, No.
Ri-o Ye-ti, Ri-o Ye-ti, Ri-o Ye-ti...
Uh oh.
Did I say something I should not have?
No.
No?
No! No, No, No, No, No, No, No, No, No.
Ri-o Ye-ti, Ri-o Ye-ti, Ri-o Ye-ti...
No! No, No, No, No, No, No, No, No, No.
Ri-o Ye-ti, Ri-o Ye-ti, Ri-o Ye-ti...
No! No, No, No, No, No, No, No, No, No.
What did your father teach you?
What did your...
My father taught me to kill the sunflower.
Congratulations, Mr. Curtis, you are now awake.
Ten minutes to Venus.
What the fuck?
How many minutes?
You all ready for your big day?
Take care of him.
I'll be back in a bit.
♪ What style ♪ ♪ What class ♪
♪ The girl with the ♪ ♪ vagina made of glass ♪
♪ So perfect and pure, and ♪ ♪ gynecologically demure ♪
♪ And the way her buttocks chews ♪ ♪ on her shorts is very nice ♪
♪ Oh, yes, it's very nice ♪
♪ And the way her perfect ♪ ♪ bosoms need no support ♪
♪ Oh, yes, that too is very nice ♪
♪ And wherever she may go ♪ ♪ all heavens surround her ♪
♪ Envy's green-eyed ♪ ♪ monsters confound her ♪
♪ Age-old myths and ♪ ♪ legends come true ♪
♪ Ancient prophecies ♪ ♪ all come to pass ♪
♪ All this and all ♪ ♪ because of you ♪
♪ The girl with the ♪ ♪ vagina made of glass ♪
Why, Samuel Curtis, you flatter me.
My dear Cloris,
any beautiful words spoken on your behalf would only be the...
Well, if you were only twenty years younger...
we'd all have our way with you.
Which brings me to another subject.
Not that I could ever tire of speaking on your behalf...
but I would like to proposition you.
You have my attentions.
Please don't think that my complete focus isn't on you and the ladies...
but in my peripheral...
I couldn't help but notice the handsome remains of a gentleman.
Johnny R.
We still love him so. Honest we do.
But it just hasn't been the same since his Venusian demise.
Yeah, I imagine it wouldn't be.
You know, his family would like his body back.
We are all well aware of that, Samuel Curtis.
We are also aware of the honorarium they have offered...
and the greedy, heartless show of scavengery we might expect...
as a result of their generous offer.
We might also have expected that you, Samuel Curtis...
could have been a little more sensitive to our feelings...
Instead of being the first to come and try to take away our Johnny.
I was actually going to swap you for him.
What could you have that would possibly match the value...
of our beloved Johnny's remains?
I've got a sixteen year old boy in my ship.
Oh, Samuel.
I swear, we had no way of knowing.
How could you know?
Your messenger never mentioned a swap.
- He just said that you were coming. - My messenger?
- Hi, Sam. - Jesus Christ!
That's Professor Hess.
A Professor?!
Did you miss me?
No.
Yes you did. You did too miss me. You're just saying that to make me mad.
The Professor brought us a cat.
Cloris...
I'm afraid I won't be able to stay.
Have your ladles dig my ship out of the mud...
and load Johnny into the bottom cargo hatch.
Why, a visit from Mr. Curtis wouldn't be...
the same if we didn't have to dig his ship out of our mud.
Oh, Samuel.
The Professor suggests that we should meet the boy first.
I'll go get him.
But if we can just make this fast.
Of course. And Samuel?
He is descended from great wealth, is he not?
Yeah.
And please tell me he is a good dancer.
The ladies do love to dance.
Yeah, he's great.
I'll have him bring his trophy.
Move!
I keep trying to get ready and he keeps jumping in front of the mirror...
playing with his face.
You're not going out there.
- What?! - Shut up.
Professor Hess is here. If he sees you he's going to kill you.
Why's he want to kill me?
No reason.
Let's fly out of here.
They're not going to dig out our ship until they get a boy.
Him.
Yeah.
That's what I'm thinking.
Put on some of my clothes and give him yours.
Why does he have to wear my clothes?
He doesn't have to...
he gets to.
Ladies...
here's your new lover boy.
Well, isn't he fancy.
Who the hell is that?
That's the new King of Venus.
That is not Lee Vilensky's boy.
Well, Samuel, please explain.
Who is this fanciful dandy who has so quickly stolen our hearts?
What!?
That's the wealthiest child in the Solar System.
He is not.
Yes he is.
No he isn't.
Yes, he is.
Oh.
He seems to be in need of a bath.
I haven't noticed.
Smell your hand.
I will kill him.
You have every reason to kill him.
Good luck, Professor.
Samuel Curtis!
It's my birthday.
Some other time, Professor.
This is where it ends...
and other stories began.
Sam moved back to earth with the young man who saw the breast...
and raised him as if he were his own son.
I stayed on Venus to help raise Bodysuit...
In the hopes that he would grow up to be a fine young man...
and I could kill him.
But a boy seldom lives up to his father's expectations.